David Davis quits cabinet to focus on solo material

BREXIT Minister David Davis has resigned to work on some exciting solo material inspired by leaving the EU.

Davis claimed ‘artistic differences’ with Theresa May were key to his decision. He said: “I’ve loved every minute of Brexit and of what it has meant to our many, many fans.

“But there just comes a time when you have to go it alone, especially when people didn’t always realise you were the main talent. I’ll start by putting the word exit on the end of everything and seeing if anything sticks.

“Like today I took some cheese out of the fridge and I thought you could call this ‘chexit’. Get some posters done up, have a vote on whatever it is, argue for years about what chexit really means.

“Not saying I’m a genius or anything, but this stuff comes naturally to me. It’s almost like I’m channeling a higher force.”

He added: “I was trying to think of one involving dogs but ‘dogexit’ sounds like a door for dogs and ‘dexit’ is just too vague.”

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Man obsessed with threesomes having to make do with onesomes

A MAN who constantly talks about threesomes is only having a series of onesomes, it has emerged.

Tom Booker likes to bring up the topic of group sex as often as possible, including the phrase ‘double the action, double the fun’.

He said: “Oh yeah, I’d give two women the time of their lives. Not every bloke has the stamina for it, but I sure do. That said, I am quite picky.”

Booker confirmed that he has not had sex since last summer when his girlfriend left him but his solo sex sessions were ‘keeping him busy’.

He added: “I frequently approach pairs of women to ask if they would like to ‘make a sandwich’ or ‘play piggy in the middle’.

“And then I oink.”