Divided nation bonds over Diane Abbott’s crapness

FRIENDS and families torn apart by politics are coming together and healing over the crapness of Diane Abbott. 

Across the UK, divides are being bridged by the common belief that it would almost be worth seeing her as home secretary because of how funny it would be. 

Tory voter Roy Hobbs said: “30 years in politics but can’t get through an interview without fucking up. There’s something reassuring about that. 

“It doesn’t give me that sick feeling in my gut I get when I see Theresa May panicking after being asked a few simple questions. It just makes me feel good. And my daughter agrees.”

19-year-old Labour voter Annie Hobbs said: “Me and dad have been arguing a lot recently because he’s a fascist, but when Abbott’s on the telly all that’s forgotten. 

“The whole family gathers around and laughs as a living, breathing caricature of the hard left rears back in righteous indignation at being asked about numbers.” 

She added: “Her and Boris, that’s who we bond over. Then we realise one of them will end up in government and start rowing again.”