ED Miliband’s ability to be prime minster has been eaten by an alsatian.
As the Labour leader was caught at a football match after claiming he was too ill to attend an NHS conference, he also revealed that Izzard, the party’s pet dog had somehow got into his schoolbag.
He said: “I totally did a load of work on my leadership skills after Hollyoaks.
“When I’d finished I put them in my bag but when I went to get it this morning there was just this mess of ripped up slogans and dog bogies.
“I was really annoyed because I reckon I could have got a ‘C’ in Not Sounding Like the Co-Chair of Roehampton Students Against Pornography.”
He added: “I chased after the dog with a rolled up copy of the New Statesman, but my mum says he’s not right in the head and we’ll have to get these really expensive pills from the vet.
“But I don’t know when we’ll be able to afford them so it’ll probably keep happening.”