Dominic Raab stockpiling food for himself

THE Brexit secretary has confirmed that he is stockpiling food and nobody else is having any of it. 

Raab, who was made Brexit minister in-name-only two weeks ago, told press he has already amassed over 40 cans of food and 24 litres of water in case he fails to reach a deal with the EU.

He said: “Stockpiling food for Britain? Unacceptable, makes us look weak. Stockpiling it for myself? True Conservatism.

“I’ve got those M&S cans of lamb korma that cost like £4.50. We’ll save them for Saturday nights, after Brexit, watching the riots while insisting the last thing voters want is another election. 

“I’m also stockpiling crisps, champagne, some decent reds, flour and yeast and stuff because we might finally use that bloody breadmaker, peanuts for energy and jelly babies. I can’t be without jelly babies.” 

He added: “Don’t worry. It’s only for the short-term. We’ll be seeing marvellous benefits from Brexit in a minimum of 50 years.”