Earth’s crust full of Romanians, says Cameron

'Daybreak' TV Programme, London, Britain - 18 May 2012

DAVID Cameron has urged voters to embrace fracking as a way of flushing Romanians out of the ground. 

Cameron said: “Fracking will create 74,000 exciting jobs like working in the media or being a footballer, once Romanians that currently hold the positions underground are washed away.

“Councils will be given 100% of the revenue raised from the Romanians that float up out of the ground, which I’m told make excellent mulch for farm animals.”

The assertions were met with scepticism in Yorkshire, following Tory claims in the 80s that coal mines in the region needed to be closed because they had a really massive spider in them.

The government at the time promised to re-open them once they had gone down there with a 75-foot juice glass and a massive bit of card.