Everyone starting to wonder if absolute maniacs are best people to be in charge

THE general public are slowly beginning to realise that absolute head cases might not be the best people to run everything.

With Trump making the kind of decisions only a man hell-bent on mass destruction would make and Theresa May refusing to rule out large US companies taking over the NHS, people are gradually coming round to the idea of replacing them with rational people.

US voter Bill McKay said: “I voted for Trump because he said he was going to ‘Make America Great Again’.

In hindsight I maybe should have looked a bit deeper than a meaningless slogan and actually looked at the fact he’s completely off his rocker as then I might have thought twice.

And if I’d even known who the hell Steve Bannon was I’d have made sure to vote for some actual humans.”

Stoke on Trent resident Julian Cook added: “I’ve been thinking about voting for UKIP’s Paul Nuttall.

Although I’m putting this down to the fact I was recently kicked in the head by a donkey at a seaside resort.”

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Man worried he's the last of his friends to have an article in Guardian

A MAN is worried that everyone in his social circle has had an article in the Guardian except him.

Tom Logan, from Finsbury Park, logged on to his favourite passive-aggressive news website this morning to be confronted by an article about Beyonce and transgender rights written by his best friend Steve.

Logan said: “I’m a middle class Londoner of the age when most people I know have written for Comment Is Free, if they haven’t got a regular column in G2.

“Next time we go for drinks in an old double decker bus that’s now a cocktail bar, everyone will be looking at me wondering why it’s taking me so long.

“Nobody will say anything, they’ll all look sympathetic but smug just like they all do in their byline photos. 

“I always assumed my friend Isobel would be the last one of us to write for the Guardian, but she got something published last week about how potatoes are a metaphor for class consciousness, and it’s made me question my masculinity and wonder if my life is a failure.

“Hey, maybe I could get a Guardian article out of that.”

Logan added that the only thing more embarrassing than not writing for the Guardian was the fact he had a regular column in the Telegraph.

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