Fate of nation depends on whether it's nice out

THOUSANDS of Briton are deciding whether or not democracy is worth getting rained on.

With polls predicting everything from a Conservative landslide to a hung parliament, Britain’s future is likely to swing on whether voters consider their civic duty important enough to go outside when it is wet. 

Labour supporter Tom Logan, 22, said: “A generation of politicians have betrayed young people in this country and only Jeremy Corbyn offers us hope for a better future.

“It’s going to rain though.”

Student Nikki Hollis said: “I passionately believe in a properly-funded NHS, but grey skies just make me lose all my energy.”

Hollis’s grandmother Maisie said: “I’ve got my parka, two umbrellas, and a thermos full of Bovril, so you can bet I’ll be voting.

“You can probably guess who I’ll be voting for.”

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I am not evil because I am wearing white, explains May

THERESA May has explained to Britain that she is not the bad guy in this election because she is wearing white. 

May continued: “There are those who insist on seeing me as villainous, an unfair slur based only on things that I say and do. 

“But as you can see this is provably false because here I am in white, the colour of the good guys.

“Like Luke Starwalker from the film Space Wars that you like. I haven’t seen it myself, I only watch Songs of Praise and things about canals.”

She added: “Oh and Jesus wore white. Just FYI as it were.”