Five great reasons to hate the Lib Dems all over again

THE Liberal Democrats are making a comeback by once again sounding reasonable and sane compared to everyone else. Here’s how to justify your instinctive loathing: 

Delusions of grandeur

Simply by virtue of being the only alternative when everyone is desperate, the Lib Dems are puffing themselves up about being a real political force again. No, it just seems like that when Britain’s not constantly screaming ‘F**K OFF!’ at you over tuition fees and propping up that w*nker Cameron.

Austerity

New leader Jo Swinson – fourth in four years – and the rest all happily voted for the vindictive, economy-busting Tory policy of austerity to pander to ars*holes who watch Gypsies on Benefits & Proud on Channel 5. Those voters have moved on to Brexit now, so better get supporting that, eh?

The whole Vince Cable chapter 

It almost seems churlish to mention this now that Vince has returned to his gnome village in the woods, but boy did the Lib Dems big him up when he was business secretary. What did he actually do? No one can remember. He did wear a hat for a bit, much as David Lloyd George almost certainly did, but there the similarity ends.

The poor Lib Dem voters

The forgotten victims of the leadership’s constant tw*ttery are ordinary, Guardian-reading Lib Dem voters who are in favour of society being liberal and nice, and opposed to homelessness and racism. If you know one, give them a hug.

They can’t f**king add up

While Labour may be useless and the Tories have a majority that could be wiped out by the inevitable upcoming autoerotic asphyxiation accident, the Lib Dems have just 14 MPs. It’s like the Ewoks thinking they defeated the Empire.