Furious public can't believe they'll vote for Johnson again in a few years

BRITONS are so outraged by Boris Johnson’s poor performance they cannot believe they are going to vote for him again in 2024.

Angry voters say Johnson’s terrible mishandling of Covid, Brexit disruption and his obvious personal incompetence have left them with no choice but to vote him in for a second term.

Stunned voter Wayne Hayes said: “If there’s one thing we’ve learnt over the last year it’s that Johnson isn’t fit to lead. So it’s going to be a real shock when I inevitably give him my vote again.

“I’ll be standing there in the voting booth, pencil in hand, thinking of all the stupid things he’s said and all the terrible things he’s done. And then I’ll put a cross next to his name. It’s gobsmacking what an idiot I am when you think about it.”

Mary Fisher said: “We should boot him out like America did with Trump. We’ve even got a leader of the opposition who you could vote for without worrying about it too much. 

“My jaw’s going to hit the floor when Huw Edwards says Johnson’s won on election night. Even though I’ve voted for him I’ll still shout at my TV ‘Who the hell voted for him, apart from me?’

“Mind you he is funny, isn’t he? And immigrants.”

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A diary of Kate Middleton's exhausting parenting during lockdown

THE Duchess of Cambridge has confessed she is exhausted by parenting under lockdown. Here is her average day: 

7am

Kids wake me up as usual – their rooms are 80ft away but sound carries dreadfully in these Georgian country houses. Pull the gold rope next to the bed for their nanny to get them breakfast. Why is everything my responsibility? 

8.30am

Wake William up, reminding him that he’s got to Zoom his brother and it’s past midnight in LA so he’ll probably be pissed. Tell him to ask Meghan about my Chanel coat that ‘went missing’. 

9.30am

Begin homeschooling the kids. It’s not easy because it’s a mixed-age group and frankly mixed-ability. Poor Louis. Takes after great-uncle Andrew in the smarts department. Today’s lesson is smiling and waving, but at the same time. 

11am

Finish screaming at the kids for f**king up their waving. “What the f**k was that?” I bellow at Charlotte. “You’re greeting your subjects, not trying to draw attention after suffering a stroke!” Kick them out into the grounds while I have a swift sharpener from the cognac decanter. 

1pm

Completely forgot to do a Tesco click-and-collect so it’s swan for lunch again. The kids start snivelling the minute they see it, and even William rolls his eyes. “If you want something different, tell the bloody cook yourself!” I say, storming out for a fag on the upstairs balcony. 

4pm

Wake up – I must have fallen asleep after my lunchtime cognacs – and go down to find William’s buggered off in his helicopter and there’s blood everywhere. The kids have been left unsupervised and they’ve killed a stag again. Pop them in the bath and have the corpse burned. 

7.30pm

Finally the kids are in bed and I’m free to do what I want. Finish the cognac, light another gasper and put Bridgerton on. 

10pm 

Blind drunk, William lands the helicopter far too close to the house and wakes the kids up. “You can bloody deal with them after buggering off half the day,” I tell him, furious. With a long-suffering, ‘why always me?’ expression on his face, he pulls the gold rope.