Sunday, 8th December 2019

Gove: we will ignore laws against no-deal Brexit and cocaine use

MICHAEL Gove has confirmed the government will ignore any law passed against a no-deal Brexit and existing laws prohibiting cocaine. 

The Cabinet minister told Andrew Marr that the government would not necessarily abide by  anti-no-deal legislation, just as its members exempt themselves from the Misuse of Drugs Act 1971. 

He added: “This government is optimistic, turbo-charged, boosting Britain and beginning the day with a bump up each nostril. Laws mean nothing to us. 

“There is simply no way we can keep No. 10 at its current Scarface-act-three level of brooding paranoia while obeying cocaine importation prohibitions, because we have to buy wholesale. 

“Next Sunday I’m coming on here, Andrew, and I’m going to execute a rebel Tory MP live on air with a double-tap to the head. And everyone will watch and nobody will do a f**king thing.” 

Brexit supporter Martin Bishop said: “I mean they really have no choice, after everything the Remainers have done. It’s necessary for our democracy.”