FIRST-TIME buyers can now borrow unlimited money to buy a mansion or castle, George Osborne has confirmed.
Buy A Massive House Free Money Woo Yeah! is being advertised with posters showing money falling out of the sky and the slogan ‘A big house is a happy house’.
George Osborne said: “Hard-working young people feel frustrated when they see a picture of a nice roomy castle with its own swimming pool, banqueting hall and private zoo with monkeys, but they can’t have it due to lack of money.
“Then they feel sad inside, and that makes me feel sad too. Luckily I am in a position to dish out money so everyone can get on the castle ladder.
“The reason this will work is because once everyone has a really fucking big home they will feel inspired by their new surroundings, which will give them more energy to do lucrative overtime at work.”
The chancellor confirmed that in areas with large numbers of eager first-time buyers, helicopters will simply shower the landscape with £50 notes that can be repaid at some unspecified point in the future.