Government department DExEU ‘stole name from grime artist’

THE cool-sounding name of the Brexit department DExEU was lifted by senior Conservatives from an up-and-coming grime MC, it has emerged.

The 22-year-old DExEU, who has performed at live showcases with Skepta, Wretch 32 and Not3s, has recorded two mixtapes under the name but now faces legal action.

He said: “This is bullshit, man. This is total Tory bullshit.

“Nobody going to shout for a rewind of DExUE when they think it means Department for Exiting the European Union. Nobody down with that white-ass action.

“I knew that was Nadine Dorries at the back of Eskimo Dance, man, I just knew it, but I thought she was checking out the scene. Didn’t know she was going to skank me.

“How they feel if I start doing gigs as 1922 Committee? Actually, man, that’s cold. I might do that shit.”

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Man who can’t get Radio 4 invites patronising posh friend over

A RADIO 4 listener whose radio suddenly died was able to recreate the experience by getting a talkative posh friend to come round.

Tom Logan found his privately educated friend Helen Archer could replicate the BBC station by prattling on all day about worthy subjects and obscure cultural stuff.

Logan said: “I desperately needed someone to read the news to me in a slightly condescending way.

“Also, Helen has a habit of turning problems that affect everyone, like NHS waiting lists, into a feminist issue, so that was Woman’s Hour sorted.

“I love Radio 4’s shows devoted to a quirky lifestyle topic and Helen’s been dabbling in Ayurvedic massage so she was able to drone on about that for an hour.

The Archers was more of a challenge, but Helen improvised a story about sheep ticks with an odd, socially aware subplot about lonely rural pensioners.”

Logan added: “My new radio from Amazon won’t arrive until Saturday, but Helen’s promised to come back tomorrow and do an arts show about the ‘new wave’ of Brazilian flamenco guitarists I don’t give a shit about.”