CONSERVATIVE chairman Grant Shapps has admitted he had a second job as a vigilante delivering street justice while an MP.
Shapps, who publicised his services in the Free Ads, specialised in helping innocent people facing overwhelming odds and usually killed two to eight bad guys per assignment.
He said: “I was so focused on my role as an angel of mercy to those labouring under the yoke of oppression, I forgot to declare it to Parliament.
“Sometimes I’d arrive in the House still holding a smoking M1 carbine, fresh from mowing down drug dealers intent on turning a single mother’s home into a crack den, and have to claim I’d found it in Parliament Square.
“Anyway, I gave it up after the embarrassing discovery that a dodgy businessman grifting small businesses with bullshit IT software was actually me under another name.”