Guilt-ridden Brexit bus in self-destructive shame spiral

THE bus used to claim that Brexit would save £350 million a week is caught in a ‘self-destructive spiral of shame’.

Bus Stephen Mallley revealed he did not know what he was getting into and is now filled with self-loathing and cheap wine.

He said: “I was approached by a couple of pervs called Boris and Michael. They said they would pay me a few quid if I wore some big stickers and had my photo taken.

“I didn’t see anything wrong with it at the time, it wasn’t anything saucy.

“On the first day Boris was like ‘you’ve got to wear this’ and I didn’t really think about it so I just put it on.

“I only realised later that he’d asked me to wear an entirely fictitious statistic designed to mislead some gullible fucknuts.”

He added: “I thought the worst that could happen is my mum wouldn’t approve. I didn’t think it would result in the army being on standby in case we run out of food and medicine.”