OFF to the polling station today with a strong suspicion it won’t improve things in the slightest? Here’s why you are probably right to be cynical.
Total idiots will be voting
You’ve studied the issues. You’ve given it thought. You may even know the candidates’ names. But your next-door neighbour will instantly cancel out your vote by voting Tory because he’s imagined that the next James Bond will be gay.
Most of the votes in England and Wales are first-past-the-post. So if you want to vote for a party or a candidate that isn’t one of the main contenders, save yourself some time by making your own pretend ballot paper and putting it straight in the bin.
They’re local elections, for f**k’s sake
People will vote on national issues, not what local government actually does, and Boris Johnson will not be losing sleep over Obscureby-on-the-Wold district council turning Lib Dem. It’s even unfair on hardworking Tory councillors battling dog mess and potholes who get booted out because of Carrie’s wallpaper choices.
The Brexit juggernaut
In the Hartlepool by-election it’s clear that Brexit is all that matters to many voters. While this state of affairs persists politics in general may as well be be put on hold, because they’d vote for Pol Pot or a potato if they promised to ‘get Brexit done’.
You might be able to vote for a pointless mayor
‘I can’t wait to vote for our metropolitan mayor!’ is not a phrase you’re likely to have heard down the pub. Crime commissioners are another voting opportunity, although it’s hard not to think, ‘Maybe we should just have more police?’
The government doesn’t give a shit
Even quite important results, such as another huge victory for the SNP, will be ignored. There could be nightly riots across Scotland and Boris Johnson would just be doing his usual Mr Benn dressing-up as a lab technician or a fishmonger the next day.