I don’t know who did you this deal but it’s shit, says May

THE prime minister has advised Britain that whoever got them this Brexit deal ‘must have been a right cowboy’ and promised to get a better one. 

Theresa May has looked over the Brexit agreement while slowly shaking her head and muttering ‘dear oh dear oh dear’, and ‘what fuckwit put this together?’

She continued: “Have you tried to get it past your ERG check? Yeah, didn’t, did it. And I bet it failed the DUP as well. Honestly.

“Yeah, I mean I dunno what whoever did this thought they were doing, but it’s just not up to standard. Bet they told you it was the only possible solution, even when they knew it’d never go through Parliament.

“The problem’s this backstop, you see? Said you had to have one did they? No, you need to get that taken out and replaced with technology. Doesn’t matter what type. Just technology.

“Yeah, I’ll get to work on that for you. They know me at the suppliers in Brussels, I’m always there, so they’ll do me a special deal. No problem.”

Leader of the opposition, Jeremy Corbyn, said: “Her? You don’t want to trust her with it. I’ll get you a way better deal. You’ve got my word, that’s all you need.”