Saturday, 24th October 2020

I outrank the Queen, claims Rees-Mogg

JACOB Rees-Mogg has asserted that as Leader of the Commons and England’s greatest living Victorian, the Queen is his servant. 

The member for North East Somerset brushed aside accusations of impropriety following yesterday’s court decision by suggesting that, if anything, Her Majesty should be apologising to him.

He said: “Her bloodline’s only been on the throne since 1714. Arrivistes.

“I have no objection to her remaining as a figurehead for the masses, but be in no doubt as to where power truly resides in this nation. Not with the noveau riche Hanoverians.

“I shall visit the palace, though it’s more of a townhouse to one of my breeding, and once she’s finished her bowing and scraping I will inform her that her dynasty is over and it is time for the true ruler to step forward and lead.

“Then I shall unite the warring houses of Conservative and Brexit by announcing my marriage to Annunziata Rees-Mogg and begin the Empire anew.”

When reminded that Annunziata Rees-Mogg is his sister, the MP said: “Mm. I did say we would be doing this properly.”