Impact assessments wouldn’t have helped the dinosaurs, says David Davis

DAVID Davis has told MPs that dinosaurs did not demand an impact assessment for the meteor that wiped them out.

The Brexit secretary admitted to a Commons select committee that there were no impact assessments for leaving the EU because nothing could be more pathetically pointless. 

He continued: “Imagine it. Velociraptors scurrying around collating data for a nervous middle-management brachiosaur who, instead of enjoying a last few leaves, is worrying about his deadline. 

“Tyrannosaurs holding stapled reports in their tiny arms, asking each about projected figures while a new star lights the sky. Stegosaurs moaning about redacted details. What a waste of time. 

“Instead of fussing about how many will die, whether it could have been prevented, or whose fault it is, let’s enjoy the time we still have. 

“Life finds a way. Something will survive. And perhaps in millions of years it will discover our fossilised remains and commission impact assessments into our extinction. 

“Then, and only then, will we know the true impact of Brexit. Until then, let’s get on with delivering it.”