Jacob Rees-Mogg preparing for World War Two

TORY MP Jacob Rees-Mogg believes that despite the prime minister’s attempts to appease Germany, Britain is once again on the verge of World War Two. 

Listening to his wireless while the nanny put his six children to bed in the attic, Rees-Mogg believes the Teutons to be unabashed by the bloody nose they took at the hands of British Tommies in the Great War and its successor.

He said: “Rumours about the Colonies and the Orient beginning World War Three are so much twaddle. It’s the last one we’re on the brink of.

“The stormclouds are gathering over Europe and following the invasion of Poland the Krauts will take France by advancing with tanks through the Ardennes, which our generals will never expect.

“I have arranged for the railings of my London townhouse to be melted down to make Spitfires, the croquet lawn to be dug up to grow cabbages and a corrugated-iron shelter to be constructed at the bottom of the garden.

“Our pluck will be tested, yes, but the Empire shall prevail.”