Jeremy Hunt weeps for ingrowing toenail sufferers

THE health secretary has wept for all the patients left to suffer ingrowing toenails by the selfishness of junior doctors. 

Jeremy Hunt, who only entered politics because he wanted to help the downtrodden, says he cannot hold back his tears at the thought of the squints that will not be corrected over the next 48 hours. 

He said: “Look at the warts on this woman’s chin, and tell me what those monsters are doing is just. 

“She’ll still have those warts on her wedding anniversary next month because of their naked greed. And her husband, he’ll still have his piles.

“This is why I became a Conservative MP,  to make a difference to the woman with varicose veins sick of wearing leggings but who only wants an operation on a Saturday or Sunday to fit in with her busy lifestyle. 

“I haven’t cried like this since News Corporation were forced to withdraw their takeover of BSkyB, once again punishing the little man.”

Hunt has promised he will not rest until all junior doctors are working in private healthcare and minor operations are available at patients’ convenience for fees of £500 upwards.