THE prime minister has made a statement to the nation that he has a lovely new puppy that he enjoys petting.
The media converged on Downing Street last night for Johnson’s official 6pm statement that the puppy is a rescue puppy, is extremely cute and photos of him playing with it will be released within 48 hours.
He continued: “You all love animals, don’t you? Somebody told me that. Well, I love animals too and so does my current girlfriend.
“That’s why I have brought you here for the very important announcement that I like the puppy, the puppy likes me, everything is going fine and this isn’t a desperate attempt to pick up even a handful more votes.
“There won’t be an election and that’s not me saying it, it’s the puppy! ‘I don’t want an election!’ Did you hear him? That’s the voice I do for the puppy.
“So in summary I am a good man, dogs like me, vote for the guy with the puppy. Thank you.”
Johnson then went back inside Downing Street, pausing only to kick the puppy out of his path.