Wednesday, 28th October 2020

Johnson manages to make Love Actually even sh*tter

BORIS Johnson has amazed Britain by managing to star in a version of Love Actually even sh*ttier than Love Actually already was. 

The Conservative leader’s political take on the much-despised Christmas classic is widely agreed to have made a scene everyone already hated far, far worse.

Viewer Carolyn Ryan said: “Love Actually was already everything that’s wrong about love and Christmas. Now it’s everything that’s wrong about politics, too.

“As if this car crash of a Christmas election needed to be worse, that stupid-haired bastard has now combined it in the nation’s collective mind with that crappy, sentimental excuse for a festive film.

“His choice to act out the stalkery doorstep scene doesn’t surprise me, as he’s obviously the type of bloke that would use underhand tactics to chat up someone else’s wife whilst they weren’t looking.

“But it’s made me scared to open the door. What if it’s Boris Johnson who has personally turned up to force me into voting for the Conservatives with a mixture of emotional blackmail and outright lies written on boards?

“He’s turned it from a terrible romcom to a genuine horror. Though, Hugh Grant as prime minister? He’d shag you, but at least he’d use contraception.”