Labour pledges new way of treating Scotland with utter contempt

THE Labour party has pledged to renew its unbridled contempt for Scottish voters.

Miliband told this little Scottish woman she speaks very good English

As the party’s support in Scotland plummeted it admitted it had lost its passion for treating Scots like a bunch of little children who are unable to wipe their own backsides.

Leader Ed Miliband said: “We’ve always assumed Scottish people would just go out and vote for us, but perhaps in recent years we haven’t made them feel sufficiently idiotic and worthless.

“We need to get back to telling them everything that’s wrong in their lives is someone else’s fault.

“We need to get back to producing manifestos that are just 60 pages of the word ‘Thatcher’ over and over again.

“We need to come up with a new list of things that must be banned, because if Scottish people are left unsupervised they will accidentally hit themselves in the face with a spanner.”

Jim Murphy, the favourite to become the next Scottish Labour leader, added: “We allowed our contempt for Scottish voters to be dictated by London.

“I don’t need Ed Miliband to tell me that Glaswegians are pathetic street urchins who need to be kept just poor enough.”

An SNP spokesman said: “What lesson?”