May 'definitely not' an evil robot made of tin

THERESA May is ‘definitely not’ a robot made from scrap metal by a spiteful wizard.

Downing Street insisted there is ‘no way’ the United Kingdom’s new prime minister is actually a tin robot with realistic human hair.

A spokesman said: “We’ve seen her up close and can confirm that her eyes are not just LED bulbs and she does not emit a faint whirring sound.

“Her ankles are normal ankles – not made of cogs – and so are her knees. She was not made by an insane sorcerer who pops by occasionally to oil her hinges. Absolutely no way.”

Mrs May’s former neighbour Julian Cook said: “Even though my dog used to bark frantically whenever she came near, I have no reason to believe Mrs May is anything other than a normal person.

“I saw her trap her thumb in a car door once and she did what any of us would have done – gently lift the car out of the way and carry on with her day.”

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Every aspect of daily life now like 'House Of Cards'

GOING to work, eating some cereal and paying a parking fine are all just like House of Cards, it has been confirmed.

Research has shown that all situations ever can now be directly compared to the fictional programme set in Washington DC.

Plasterer Wayne Hayes said: “I was at work yesterday and took a call on my mobile. As I was speaking I thought ‘this is exactly the sort of thing Frank Underwood would do’.”

Carolyn Ryan, from Dorchester, added: “My son doesn’t really phone any more, and it got me thinking. It’s just like when Frank Underwood and Freddie fell out in House of Cards.

“Also, my mother often enjoys talking to herself, just like Frank Underwood in House of Cards.

“It really made me laugh when I thought of it. Honestly, it’s like House of Cards around here.”