THERESA May is ‘definitely not’ a robot made from scrap metal by a spiteful wizard.
Downing Street insisted there is ‘no way’ the United Kingdom’s new prime minister is actually a tin robot with realistic human hair.
A spokesman said: “We’ve seen her up close and can confirm that her eyes are not just LED bulbs and she does not emit a faint whirring sound.
“Her ankles are normal ankles – not made of cogs – and so are her knees. She was not made by an insane sorcerer who pops by occasionally to oil her hinges. Absolutely no way.”
Mrs May’s former neighbour Julian Cook said: “Even though my dog used to bark frantically whenever she came near, I have no reason to believe Mrs May is anything other than a normal person.
“I saw her trap her thumb in a car door once and she did what any of us would have done – gently lift the car out of the way and carry on with her day.”