May warns Trump not to underestimate her because she was head girl at school

THE prime minister has warned Donald Trump she may have the upper hand in negotiations because she was head girl of her grammar school. 

Theresa May said she felt duty-bound to inform the president, who has been a millionaire since she was a borough councillor, that as treasurer of the sixth-form debating society she would be no pushover.

She continued: “It was a competitive school, too. The members of Supergrass went there, if that gives you an idea of the calibre of student.

“So while he might have a 30-year record of taking advantage of anyone unwise enough to enter into any deal with him, I’m confident he won’t pull the wool over my eyes.

“Mr Trump respects that natural dealmakers’ savvy, which is why he offered me a deal which is great for Britain straight off the bat, and one I’m happy to say I’ve already signed.

“The penalty clauses don’t matter. I’ll get an intern to look at them later.”

Trump said: “I guess I own Britain now? I don’t really need it. I’ll give it to Nigel.”

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Woman’s friends dutifully say ‘wow’ about engagement ring

A WOMAN’S friends have all faked amazement at her engagement ring despite having no idea whether it is impressive. 

26-year-old Carolyn Ryan showed off the ring to her friends last night, all of whom imitated reactions they have seen in films. 

Emma Bradford said: “I’ve never looked at an engagement ring before, so I don’t have any points of comparison. So I just made this fake ‘o’ face that seemed to do the trick. 

“Apparently it has diamonds and sapphires in, and gold that is a number of carats. It wasn’t an especially high number, but I don’t know what gold goes up to.

“Anyway I held her outstretched hand reverently with eyes wide, as if the ring was glowing with an unearthly power, and looked around to the other girls and they all slowly nodded, like we’ve seen how to on Sex in the City.” 

Ryan said: “The girls were all wowed by my ring. Which was reassuring, because I’m half-convinced I’ve made the wrong decision.”