MICHAEL Gove is to stand as Tory leader on the basis that he will betray absolutely anyone without a second’s hesitation.
Taking the stage to The O’Jays classic Back Stabbers, Gove promised that there is nothing and nobody that he will not double-cross for even the tiniest advantage.
He continued: “Knifing Boris is nothing. It’s like letting the air out of one of those giant parade inflatables, everyone’s tempted.
“But my promise to the electorate is that I will turn on the party, the voters and even the Queen herself just for the sheer deceiving thrill of it. I will sell this whole country to China just to see your faces, then shake my head condescendingly at your naivety.
“I am the only candidate endorsed by Judas, and even he regrets it after I told Satan he was messing around giving political endorsements. Vote for me.”
Julian Cook, MP for Wiltshire North, said: “He’s the one candidate I absolutely trust to betray that trust in the most contemptible way possible. Can the rest say the same?”
Following the announcement, Gove’s wife Sarah Vine published a Daily Mail column about how her odious husband was unfit to lead and frequently wet the bed.