ED Miliband is in hospital after being struck on the head by a three-tonne Russian spacecraft which fell out of orbit.
The Labour leader was knocked unconscious by Progress, a cargo spacecraft, while giving his acceptance speech in Doncaster.
Eyewitness Nathan Muir said: “He was just acknowledging Labour’s heavy losses when this terrible screaming sound began, which at first we all thought was just another unusual aspect of Ed’s inflection.
“Then a flaming spaceship crashed through the roof and knocked him flying like a rag doll, eventually landing in a bin full of spoiled ballots.
“Luckily nobody else was hurt because anyone even tangentially involved with the Labour party had already deserted and set up new identities.”