Ministers claim third Heathrow runway vital for mass exodus from this shitty country

HEATHROW’S controversial third runway is vital for the forthcoming exodus from this arsed-up country, government officials have confirmed.

Despite considerable public opposition, MPs have backed the addition of a new runway as a basic human rights issue in the dystopian nightmare to come.

Transport secretary Chris Grayling explained: “How do you think this shit is going to go down when Brexit hits? It’s going to be like the end of Titanic, with all the toffs and Billy Zane hitting people with their canes as they scramble for the overloaded lifeboats.

“People need to be able to get the hell out of here, just on the first fucking plane to fucking anywhere.”