BRITONS will do whatever a Wetherspoon beer mat tells them to do, it has emerged.
Renowned as hubs of intelligent political debate, Wetherspoon pubs now feature pro-Brexit beer mats, tapping into mankind’s instinctive respect for anything written on an absorbent card square.
Wetherspoon regular Wayne Hayes said: “If a beer mat says to leave the EU then that must be the right thing to do.
“Usually beer mats just tell me what time sporting events are on, or suggest I should be drinking more Guinness, but if a beer mat told me to jump off a bridge I’d do it without hesitation.
“It’s a good job there isn’t a beer mat that says ‘burn down a nearby post office’ otherwise I’d be in prison right now.
“The beer mat is such a powerful medium because the three-second periods where my pint is in the air and the mat visible are exactly as long as my attention span.”
Meanwhile the pro-Europe campaign has spray-painted ‘Britain Stronger In Europe’ on the side of a cow that lives beside the M4.