DIANE James, the new leader of UKIP, has promised to come up with a reason for the party’s existence before 2017.
James told members that she was working on a political purpose for the party and shared a few first-draft ideas which included ‘refocusing solely on fisheries’, ‘enforcing hard line on waistcoats’ and ‘something a bit like the Scouts’.
She continued: “UKIP has fought, and won, the battle to take Britain out of the EU, regain our sovereignty and take back control of our country’s destiny.
“Which is all well and good but now we’ve done all that we find ourselves at a bit of a loose end.
“I mean yes we’ll press the UK government to make sure that Brexit is Brexit, but legal definitions and trade negotiation aren’t really our strengths.
“So at this stage we’re open to suggestions. A chain of patriotic shops selling British-only goods? A Mars mission? A Battle of the Referendum re-enactment society?
“Whatever we choose we need something, because at the moment we’re just milling about and I’m worried some of the older ones may wander off.”
UKIP member Norman Steele said: “I never thought I’d hear myself saying this, but does anyone else feel like winning has spoiled things a bit?”