No-deal Brexit will be easy because MP with balloon for a head was in the TA

A NO-DEAL Brexit will be a doddle because a Tory MP with a balloon for a head has served in the Territorial Army, it has been confirmed.

The inflatable clown toy admitted that no-deal may involve a few ‘bumps in the road’ but stressed that if you are tough like him, the bumps will be like the tiny balloons you find in bubble-wrap.

The bulbous rubber oaf said: “If you’re an intellectual ponce who was not in the TA you may find it a bit bumpy. But it’s all for the greater good and it means we will have our freedom.

“The freedom to appear on television and remind people that I was in the TA and am not to be trifled with.”

The vibrating inflatable dildo added: “And it means we will have carried out the clear instruction given to us by the British people. I was in the TA so I know the importance of clear instructions.

“So in summary, I was in the TA and you’re just some ponce.”

Brexit voter Martin Bishop said: “This man should be prime minister.”

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Prince Charles defects to Cuba

THE Prince of Wales has announced he is leaving Britain to become the new monarch of Cuba, where life is not as desperate. 

Charles and Camilla are visiting Cuba for the first time and the Prince admitted he has fallen in love with this quaint little old-fashioned island so like home except with sensible political leadership.

He added: “It’s Britain, but the weather’s fantastic and the people aren’t such whinging bores. Why wouldn’t I stay?

“At first I felt a moment’s disquiet at the thought of being a puppet ruler of a regime which allows its people no say in their own future, before realising I’d just described the UK.

“And I get to be King now. Now, not in five years or ten years or 20 years. Right away.”

President Miguel Diaz-Canel said: “He is vaguely left-wing, has an army uniform and a chestful of unearned medals, and hates America. What’s not to like?”