No f**king way, says UK after Jeremy Hunt promoted

BRITONS are convinced there has been a terrible mistake after health minister Jeremy Hunt was promoted in the cabinet reshuffle.  

The public is desperately trying to find a rational explanation for Hunt taking over social care after spending years running the NHS into the ground while smiling like a vaguely creepy garden gnome.

Hairdresser Nikki Hollis said: “Is there a different Jeremy Hunt who should have been promoted instead of him? It’s a long shot but it makes more sense than giving him extra things to fuck up.

“Maybe a computer malfunctioned and instead of a letter saying ‘You’re fired, you twat’ he got one saying ‘Well done, take over social care’.

“Later I might cut someone’s ear off and see if I get a pay rise.”

Office worker Tom Logan said: “Of course Hunt isn’t still health secretary. It’s probably just someone who looks like him, maybe his twin brother. That happens all the time in films.

“I pray that fucker isn’t now responsible for how I’m treated in my declining years. I really don’t want to spend my old age strapped to a commode eating watery Smash.”

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Are you the president of the United States?

WITH so many distractions around, it is surprisingly easy to forget whether you are the leader of the free world. Take our test to find out.

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