ONLY 17 immense Brexit problems have emerged in the last 24 hours, an upbeat Theresa May has confirmed.
The prime minister is upbeat because the latest daily batch of seemingly insurmountable difficulties – including a lack of qualified opticians, the closure of garden centres and severe toilet paper shortages – is the smallest yet.
She said: “17 new intractable problems is fantastic compared to last Friday when there were 48 including the possibility of only having electricity two days a week.
“These are very minor concerns, such as Britain’s sausage industry being devastated. Nobody really needs sausages and personally I prefer a nice piece of salmon, so I think we can safely ignore that.
“A leading surgeon was worried about a shortage of ‘anaesthetics’ or something but it sounded pretty obscure so we all had a good laugh at him for being such a negative Nellie.
“He’s probably one of those ‘Liberal elite’ people who has a big garden and makes fun of you for being common.”
Leave voter Roy Hobbs said: “Who cares if the entire farming industry collapses? The main thing is telling the Germans to sod off, and I say that as a farmer.”