Osborne's attempt to bond with builders ends with threat to have them all killed

GEORGE Osborne has threatened to ‘disappear’ everyone on a building site after they criticised his bricklaying technique.

The chancellor put on a hard hat to promote Tory home-building plans, then engaged in a bit of pretend building.

Osborne said: “This is actually where I feel most comfortable. On a building site, with real honest working men.

“I would probably be a builder if my life and family background were completely different. I love working with bricks.”

However builder Wayne Hayes said: “You’re putting on a bit too much mortar there.”

Osborne replied: “I’ll put on as much or as little mortar as I fucking well want.

“One phone call and you’re all fucking dead. Seriously I have done that before and I can do it now.

“Your lives are not important.”

Ten minutes later he left the site, bidding the builders farewell: “Cheers everyone, let’s have loads of pints soon.”

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Family dreading plan to ‘do something different’ for Christmas

A MUM’S desire to ‘do something different’ at Christmas has been met with fear and suspicion by her family, it has emerged.

Donna Sheridan’s family believe they could be forced into any number of unpleasant activities on Christmas Day, ranging from visiting a freezing ruined castle to helping out at a homeless hostel.

Husband Neil said: “Every few years Donna insists on doing things differently, like the time we had Christmas dinner in the Norwegian style. How I enjoyed my boiled cod.

“Once she drove us to the seaside for a charity swim organised by insane people. Fortunately we had to come home early when I instantly got cramp and almost drowned.

“I’m just praying she hasn’t decided on something crazy this year, like only allowing presents made from 100% recycled materials. Christ, for all I know she could have already rented a yurt in Wales.”

Sheridan’s family has now checked her browsing history for threats to a normal Christmas, with potentially worrying searches including ‘hang gliding’, ‘historic buildings, educational’ and ‘visiting lonely old people’.

Donna Sheridan said: “Who wants to spend Christmas Day slumped in front of the TV drinking sherry when you could be having an exciting trek through the mist on top of Snowdonia?

“I don’t want to give too much away, but let’s just say Christmas this year will involve an otter sanctuary, sushi and a trip to Wolverhampton.”