Parliament 'too full of thieves'

ED Miliband’s claim that parliament is ‘too middle class’ has been accused of missing the fucking point by more than 18 million light years.

The Labour leader said too many MPs come from middle class backgrounds while ignoring the obvious problem that a great many of them are just in it for the relentless thieving.

Julian Cook, Professor of This is This at Roehampton University, said: “Too full of careerist shit-heaps. Too full of gutless, self-serving turds. Too full of inadequate, self-justifying fraudsters. Any of these would have done.

“Start. Again.”

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Warcraft fans can't wait to illegally download the film

THE announcement of a World of Warcraft film has left the game’s reclusive, tech-savvy fanbase itching to torrent it.

Warcraft fan Stephen Malley said: “As a fully-fledged geek the two things I most dislike are leaving the house and paying to watch films.

“So it’s great that Hollywood is finally making a mega-budget blockbuster aimed at my demographic.

“I hope for their sake it’s some kind of a tax write-off thing.”