Remainer celebrates one year of feeling morally superior

A REMAIN supporter has marked one year of feeling superior to the ignorant plebs who supported Brexit.

Nathan Muir, from Kingston, campaigned for Stronger In during the referendum and has taken every opportunity since to sigh loudly at the stupidity of Leave voters.

Muir said: “Over the past year, I have begun to look on the bright side of Brexit, namely that it gives me the perfect opportunity to demonstrate my sophistication and intelligence compared to the drooling Morlocks who got swindled by a bus.

“I stand a little taller knowing that I am an objectively better and less racist person than 52 per cent of my fellow citizens, none of whom understand European tariff law like I do.

Muir’s colleague Emma Bradford said: “I voted Remain, but listening to Nathan talk melodramatically about how he will never give up his European identity makes me wonder if Vote Leave might have been onto something.

“A lot of us were sad about the result, but he’s the only person I know who made a song and dance about joining the fucking Lib Dems.”

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Corbyn to perform Labour manifesto on 50-date stadium tour

JEREMY Corbyn is to play to packed stadiums across the world, reading out bits of economic policy from the Labour manifesto.

Tour manager Nikki Hollis said: “This is the biggest production I’ve handled since The Rolling Stones. Jeremy wants a 150-foot mechanical Nye Bevan and a group of 200 miners singing a medley of angry folk songs.

“Fortunately his rider is just a jug of tap water, a jam sandwich and an old woman he can empathise with.”

Fan Tom Logan said: “I’ve got front-row seats for the London gig. I can’t wait to stage-dive while he reads out the bit about international trade agreements.”

Tour merchandise will include ‘J-Co’ branded pushbikes, cardigans and fake beards, while the support act will be Guardian intern Owen Jones reading out a 4000-word essay about renationalising British Airways.

Hollis added: “Tickets are for the many, not the few, so long as the many can afford £80 plus a £15 booking fee.”