Shit finally completes 29-month journey towards fan

THE bucketful of shit first upended in June 2016 has finally completed its slow, 29-month journey through the air and is now hitting the fan.

The shit, released between the long-ago deaths of Muhammed Ali and Kenny Baker two years ago, has been largely ignored by Britain during its slow-motion transit but will soon be absolutely everywhere.

Political commentator Joseph Turner said: “Easy to forget about when it’s just a few tumbling turds, isn’t it? You blank out the boring speculation about exactly what angle they’ll hit the blades.

“But that fan that’s been whirring away all this time, and admit it you don’t even notice the noise now, is about to be the focus of all our attention and for months. Maybe years.

“We’ll talk of little else. ‘Is there anything to hide behind?’ ‘What consistency is the next bucket of crap?’ ‘How can I clean it off?’ ‘Oh God, why did I say they just need to get on with it?’.

“A parade of excrement-coated politicians will tell us they can stop the shit, that the shit is good, that no more will hit the fan after just these next few, but it’ll already be all over us, our houses, our jobs, everything.

“We live in a world of shit now. Get over it.”