Should we just get Blair back? asks Labour

THE Labour party is wondering if it should not just cut to the chase and reappoint Tony Blair as leader.

Following the former prime minister’s appearance on Good Morning Britain where he talked just like a human, senior Labour figures believe that given the circumstances it might be their best shot.

An insider said: “Where did it all start going wrong? When Blair left. Has it stopped going wrong since then? It has f**king not.

“We’ve had four leaders since, each a total disaster in their own special way, and gone from the Tories in fragile coalitions to a total Tory landslide. What have we got to lose?

“Yes we hated him, yes Iraq, but can we seriously afford to still be holding that against him in the circumstances? And I know he looks ancient but he’s only 68. That’s ten years younger than Biden.

“We were buggered for years before Blair. We’ve been buggered for years after. Voters like a man they recognise off the telly. Anyone got any better ideas? No? Right then.”

Tony Blair said: “F**king finally.”

Consider subscribing - so we can write more funny content. .js-article{ display:none;}

Anytime, anywhere: A man's guide to fearless interrupting

INTERRUPTING others mid-flow gets a bad rap but it can be necessary if a woman is talking. Here’s how to get your point across at the cost of theirs:

Don’t hesitate

Hesitation is for interruptees, not the brave invader of the conversation. Like a captain leading a cavalry charge, you must be bold and force your way into a discussion without a second thought. Your desire to be heard overrules all else.

Apologise but don’t mean it

A surefire way to stop others talking is to preface your interruption with ‘Sorry can I just add…’ or ‘Mandy, apologies, but I must say…’ People love an apology, especially when no part of it is sincere, and it frees you to blather on for as long as you like because ultimately you’re the good guy.

Once you start, don’t stop

If you talk for long enough, no-one will even remember you interrupted in the first place. They’ll be bowled over by your eloquence and erudition. When you have taken up more than enough of the discourse, you can wrap up your contribution by saying something astute like ‘So…yeah.’

Don’t feel pressure to make a point

Just because you decided to cut someone else off mid-sentence doesn’t mean you’re obliged say anything insightful or even relevant. It’s more about making people listen to the sounds coming out of your mouth than making a salient point about sales targets or funeral plans or whatever the conversation you’re ruining is.

Never let yourself be interrupted

In order to retain any sense of manly pride, you must never fall to interrupters yourself. If anyone tries, just increase the volume until they stop. And if they don’t, feel free to shout, scream or leave the conversation altogether. Who are these bastards daring to talk over you anyway?

Next story ›