TORY voters are motivated mostly by spite, it has been claimed.
After an elderly lady antagonised relatives by leaving £769,000 to the party, lifelong Tories confirmed that their political allegiance was based on a desire to annoy others.
Lifelong Conservative Tom Logan said: “When the Great Dominatrix died last year, I treasonously wondered why I even bother voting Tory anymore.
“They’re economically incompetent and don’t pander to my homophobia as much as I’d like.
“But I keep doing it just to piss off the lefties.”
Political sciences lecturer Eleanor Shaw said: We vote with others in mind. Conservatives think everyone else is out to shaft them so try and shaft them first.
Labour voters are idealists who want to believe theyre doing good without going to any effort, so they vote for anyone with an attractive set of lies.
Lib Dem voters just want to be noticed even if the attention they get is negative, much like a small boy urinating in his pants.
And voting UKIP is the political equivalent of asking the police to arrest you before you hurt someone.
The Conservatives next election campaign will work the spite angle, with the slogan Just To See The Look On Miliband’s Face”.