Terrifying headmistress quite prepared to make Scotland re-sit referendum

SCOTLAND must keep re-sitting its referendum until it puts the right answer, according to its headmistress.

The nation has received an angry letter home, addressed to its parents, warning that it may have to do the test again after an extremely disappointing first result.

The letter said: “I know it’s trendy in some teaching circles to talk about there being ‘no right or wrong answer’. That’s not the fucking case here.

“There’s one question, and the answer’s ‘yes’. Or ‘no’, depending on how the question is phrased.

“Anyway I’ll tell you that nearer the time, then you just put your muddy paw print in the correct box.

“Summer holidays are cancelled until we get this right. Also I may have to ban football.”