Theresa May spends holiday planning next disaster

THE prime minister is spending her three-week walking holiday trying to come up with something even more ruinous than her last terrible idea. 

May, who came up with her plan to destabilise the UK government at a point of international crisis while walking in Wales, is apparently hoping the Swiss Alps will inspire her next almighty clusterfuck.

Political commentator Joseph Turner said: “A week in Wales would bore anyone, but most people would deal with that by drinking and picking petty fights with their partner, rather than deciding to call an ill-advised election and embarking on a long, slow political suicide.

“The Alps are a bit more exciting than Snowdonia, but three weeks is a long time. Once she’s bored of Toblerone, who knows what mad shit she’ll come up with next.

“War with Finland, banning trees, mind-melding with the Queen. Behind that slightly gritted smile, the well-oiled wheels of chaos are beginning to turn in her mind. Fear what emerges.”

Turner added: “Of course, the real terror is that she’ll resign, leaving us facing an autumn of Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson fighting it out to be prime minister.

“And the living will envy the dead.”