‘They call me… The Busmaker’

CONSERVATIVE leadership candidate Boris Johnson has revealed himself to be the mysterious Busmaker of myth and legend. 

Johnson unmasked himself as the fabled hero in an interview yesterday, finally revealing the identity of the champion who stood tall to defend the capital in its darkest hours.

He said: “What do I do to relax? Well, when nobody’s around I melt into the shadows and take on my true form as London’s saviour – the Busmaker.

“In the Blitz, while Nazi V2 rockets exploded around me, I was there, making buses. In the smoke and squalor of the Victorian era, I was there, making buses. In the years of the plague and the great fires, I was there, even though nobody knew what I was making back then.

“I have always walked among you, making buses from simple wooden crates. You know, those ones that hold two bottles of wine? I paint them. And then I paint the passengers enjoying themselves on the wonderful bus.

“I am, and have always been, the Busmaker. I have ruled London. And soon, my buses and I will rule the country.”

Tory member Margaret Gerving said: “He’s out of his mind. Finally.”