This bullshit probably going to happen

THE bullshit thing nobody took seriously is probably going to occur, it has been claimed.

Latest polls have shown the bullshit thing taking a three percent lead, because of growing concern that foreigners exist.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “The bullshit thing seems to be gaining momentum.

“People seem to be swayed by the arguments of Boris Johnson, The Sun and people with ‘No Turning’ signs in their driveways who talk about ‘still being able to sell to Europe’ as if they’ve uncovered some conspiracy on a par with faking the moon landings.

“But then on the other side you’ve got David Cameron, Emma Thompson and, somehow, Jeremy Clarkson. Surprisingly enough, people are struggling to relate to them, because they usually talk bullshit.

“What it really comes down to is that the pro-bullshit thing people are older and less lazy, so they’ll actually turn out to vote instead of forgetting until they’re already at work without their polling card, then posting something on social media showing themselves at a fake polling booth made out of office stationery.”

46-year-old Norman Steele said: “I am passionate about the bullshit and strongly believe in some bullshit about sovereignty, despite not knowing what the word sovereignty means.

“Britain needs its own bullshit.”


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Man says ‘bosh’ after completing even the most basic task

A MAN uses the meaningless word ‘bosh’ after doing even the simplest thing, it has emerged.

32-year-old Tom Booker uses the nonsensical term to convey a sense of exaggerated macho pride whenever he does anything from making a cup of tea to closing a car door.

Booker said: “I’ve got a ham sandwich for lunch today – two slices of bread, a bit of butter, some ham, mustard. Bosh.

“I’m going to eat that bad boy then I’m going to say ‘bosh’. Bosh.

“Then it’s back to work until 5pm. That’s when I turn off my computer and get out of my chair – bosh.

“I get in the car bosh – turn the engine on – bosh – then I’m home by quarter to six – bish bash BOSH.

“And so on.”

Booker’s colleague Nikki Hollis said: “I don’t know what bosh means. Is it Greek for ‘please love me, I feel weak and afraid’?”