LIKE a lot of renowned hard men, I have a sensitive side. And when I’m hurt, for example when I only win 2.2 per cent of the vote and lose five fucking grand, I have to know how to move on. Here’s how:
Don’t blame yourself
When you’ve bigged yourself up as England’s greatest ever patriot and claimed you’ll be ‘walking into Brussels like Conor McGregor’ and instead sneak out of a vote count early, humiliated, that doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s just the voters weren’t racist enough. Work still to do.
Centre youself with a mantra
If the rejection’s stinging, repeat a little phrase like ‘I am strong, I am good, I will learn’. Or ‘I’m being censored by the liberal fascists running social media’. I can say that up to 4,000 times a day.
Take up a physical activity
The psychological benefits of exercise are proven beyond doubt. Football hooliganism is a great way of beating your woes and building your brand, and there’s always getting in an ungainly filmed scuffle after you’ve been milkshaked.
Feeling spurned and heartbroken? The unfamiliar foods, alien accents and lively customs of foreign country can really recharge your xenophobic batteries. Or just visit any British city that isn’t 100 per cent white.
Make changes in your life
Rejection can be a catalyst for change, whether it’s a new job or a new hairstyle. Personally I’m changing my name again. I think things are going to be a lot different once I’m called Ringo Rover-Mussolini.