MILLIONS of voters have admitted they are bastards who just want money.
Following a close-fought election campaign, the electorate decided the prospect of having money was better than the prospect of not having it.
Tom Booker, from Southampton, said: “I like money. I like how it feels in my hands. Labour had some lovely things to say about society, but I don’t actually care about any of that because it’s not money.”
Emma Bradford, from Peterborough, said: “They say that politics is ultimately about the economy. And the reason they say that is because it’s fucking obvious.”
Electoral analyst Carolyn Ryan said: “It seems that voters attuned to seeing through politicians’ lies looked in the mirror and could no longer believe in their own.
“Socialism is great in theory, but in practice it’s a massive ball-ache.”