We’re both shit but he’s a lunatic, says Owen Smith

LABOUR leadership candidate Owen Smith used last night’s BBC hustings to repeat that while both candidates are shit, Jeremy Corbyn is also deranged. 

The challenger surprised critics by admitting he was a terrible candidate and would be unfit to lead the Labour party if his opponent were not just as terrible and delusional to boot.

Smith continued: “Let’s be real about this: I’m hopeless. Anyone who thought the only way was up after Ed Miliband should take a look at my total disaster of a campaign.

“However, be in no doubt that Jeremy Corbyn’s record of incompetence can easily match my own, on top of which he is a total nutter who keeps a photo of Lenin in his wallet to consult at difficult times.

“Even knowing that I am in all respects useless – and I promise you, I do – puts me ahead of a man who believes that four decades wearing beige on a backbench makes him God’s gift to socialism.

“In summary, I am shit but Jeremy Corbyn is shit and mental, and on those grounds I ask for your vote. Thank you.”

Jeremy Corbyn responded by gripping the podium and staring dementedly around the room as if deciding who would be first against the wall when his revolution came.