You con your idiots, I’ll con mine, Salmond tells Miliband

ALEX Salmond has told Ed Miliband to ‘button it’ after the Labour leader tried to expose his epic scam.

Scotland’s first minister insisted he was working a sweet little number and that Miliband was making it hard for an honest thief to earn some scratch.

Salmond said: “I’m in the middle of the greatest long-grift of my life and this guy tries to queer my action.

“I thought we had a code. You see a guy doing a thing and you back off and find your own cheese.”

Salmond’s grift involves promising everyone in Scotland a non-existent oil field and selling them a health service they already own.

He added: “Give a guy some elbow room. I’ve been working these piss-monkeys for years.”

Salmond then put his arm around Miliband’s shoulder and told him to go back to scamming English idiots with the no-cuts fandango.