Thursday, 13th May 2021

Prepare for food shortages, mass unemployment and a 10-year recession, says proud prime minister

THE UK has been told to get ready for food shortages, rampant inflation and losing their jobs and homes by a strong, resolute prime minister. 

Boris Johnson has assured Britain he will not allow an inch of the country’s sovereignty to be given up and that they will be paying the price for a generation. 

He said: “From January 1st we will be moving to an Antarctica-style deal with the EU, trading with it on the same terms as that noble continent. 

“So now is the moment to liquidate your business, put your savings into gold, stock up on non-perishable food, fill the bath with drinking water and nail plywood over the windows. 

“Within five years Northern Ireland will have left the Union. Within a decade, Scotland will follow. You may never holiday abroad again. 

“In all candour, the deal on the table from the EU would avoid these outcomes but Britain cannot accept it because it has bits we either do not like now or might not like at some unspecified point in the future. 

“Prepare for the worst crisis since the Great Depression to hit this country, and this country alone. It’s what we all wanted. Thank you.”