BEING disinvited by France is the latest in a long line of snubs for Priti Patel. Here is everything the Home Secretary has been turned away from during her life so far.
Classmates’ birthday parties
Patel’s Marvel-style origin story. She merrily skipped to a classmate’s house for cake and jelly, then enforced the rules of pass the parcel with iron discipline and terrified the other children with stories about scary migrants. She was shown the door and now we’re all suffering the consequences.
Office Christmas bashes
She was once invited to one, only to ruin the fun by restricting everyone to two drinks and forbidding any arses being scanned on the photocopier. Ever since her colleagues have tried to stop her coming with flimsy excuses like Christmas being cancelled that year to give everyone a rest from it.
While the other women were happy to make twats of themselves by wearing stupid outfits and drinking out of cock-shaped straws, Priti Patel stood off to the side in her personalised flak jacket sneering at proceedings with a superior smirk. All her other hen do invites have mysteriously got lost in the post.
Patel believes babies are soft on law and order, only taking an interest in gurgling and eating mush from a jar. Mums-to-be can’t be blamed for not inviting the humanity-sucking Dementor into their homes for a baby shower in case she picks an argument with the baby while it’s still in the womb.
Basic human decency lessons
All Tory MPs have to attend basic common decency lessons so they can appear vaguely sympathetic in front of the cameras. And while they all forget everything they’re taught, Patel wasn’t even invited because the organisers correctly thought it would be pointless and just add to the cost of the buffet.