Tuesday, 21st January 2020

'Shut the f**k up' mutters MP listening to elderly voter

A LABOUR MP who felt he should listen patiently to the concerns of an elderly constituent is deeply regretting it.

Martin Bishop, MP for Belsham in Lancashire, earnestly tried to find out why local voters like Norman Steele had rejected Labour in favour of Boris Johnson, but emerged none the wiser.

Bishop said: “I sat down with Norman in a pub. After three minutes I had to explain to him why we can’t bring back the birch for immigrants, legal or otherwise. In vain.

“There then followed some surreal nonsense about children having transgender lessons instead of maths and one-legged lesbians in North London. I think he might have got that from Richard Littlejohn. 

“After 20 minutes of this I accidentally muttered ‘shut the f*ck up’ under my breath. Luckily Norman didn’t hear me because he was shouting about Labour supporting the IRA.

“I’d really hoped to take on board the genuine concerns of disaffected voters, but all I learned was that I desperately wanted to take off a sock and stuff it in his mouth.”

Steele, 78, said: “Even though Martin’s a Labour communist, he did seem to be listening to me. I’m not going to vote for him though. Because of Merkel and gays.”